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So, I know that moving on with your life after you’ve been cheated on and betrayed can feel like an impossible task ― especially around the holidays and Valentine’s Day but in this article we have a few tips to share that I think can help you pull through.
The usual reaction to emotional betrayal is usually self-blame and self-loathe as you tend to blame yourself for someone else’s actions and poor choices which are in no way related to you. Other times you think about what you could have done better or less, who you should have spoken to or steps that you should or shouldn't have taken.
When reading this article, remember it is not your fault that someone you trusted and gave yourself to broke your trust. It is not your fault that they make poor choices or do not value what they shared with you. Now that you know this, I will request that you say these words out loud before we continue - “It is NOT my fault” . Say these words until you believe it. This is the first step to your healing.
Accept that the relationship is over
Accept this and commit to it. No one goes forward by looking backwards. It's okay to miss this person but you need to move on and that means figuring out the logistics of coming to terms with the finality of your decision. This includes moving out or finding alternative arrangements if you were living together or blocking this person on social media, so you stop seeing or running into them. This will help you build some emotional stamina.
Get The Closure You Need
Getting closure is relative.
While closure looks different for everyone, it is important to realize that getting closure might have to come from within. Trying to hunt down the truth is how we try to gain back control, reassurance, sanity, and even closure. A crucial part of gaining this perspective is also a part that often gets neglected, that is demanding honesty not only from your partner but especially from yourself.
Instead of investing all your investigative fury into the person who has cheated, you have to seek clarity within yourself.
Time is a healer
The mourning period varies from person to person and depending on things such as the length of the relationship and the details of the infidelity it can take anywhere from 1 month to as long as you decide to wallow. Yes, you heard me- wallow.
You need to realise that regardless of everything you shared with this person, they are not worth one more second of your time. So, ideally, over time, the pain will subside, and you will be able to forgive your ex — even if not completely, you need to let yourself move on.
Commit to not looking at old photos, letters, texts or even listening to songs that remind you of of them for one month. Instead of looking at old pictures, why not visit our new art collection titled “The Love Of Me“ that can be a visual representation of where you want to be and will serve as a constant reminder of your need to move on.
Once you start to notice you’re feeling better, you may feel tempted to check in on your ex but try to resist the urge. Remember, things happened the way they happened and no amount of shoulda, coulda, woulda can change that.
Although I can’t promise that you will ultimately be able to completely forget what they did, no matter how upset you feel in this moment, you can experience love again. Don’t let the decisions of one person stand in the way of you opening your heart to someone else in the future.
I would recommend you visit Chinakwe.com and buy art pieces from the “The Love Of Me" collection that you can hang to remind yourself of the kind of partner you should have. One who is the opposite of everything that represents where you're coming from. There's the possibility of even creating a registry this valentine's season so your friends and family can send you meaningful gifts that remind you of the goal and help you move on.
Learn and Let Go
If you’ve spent some time doing all the above, you’ll hopefully feel a little better and have a renewed sense of hope and perspective. You might even be ready to embrace this new chapter. Think about all the things you want to do and achieve. Consider how you can use this experience as a way to move forward. What new habits would you like to introduce into your life, what kind of experiences do you want to have, what kinds of people would you like to meet?
It’s still going to be tough, for a while, but that’s okay. Betrayal is a crippling thing to go through but it’s also an amazing trigger for unleashing raw emotion and creativity that can be channelled in a positive way. Try your very best to let go of any anger, as it only makes you cling on tighter to that painful emotion. Forgiveness really is the key to moving on.
There’s no quick fix, but the more you start to gently push yourself in new directions every day, the more clarity you will start to get on the situation.
I don’t think there can be any definitive conclusion on how to cope with the pain you feel but know that with every small step you take forwards, it won’t be quite so painful.
Read more about the new art series 'The Love of Me' - https://chinakwe.com/blogs/chinakwe-blog/chinakwe-chats
Read our other Valentine's Day Inspired posts:
- Let Your Gift Say I Love You This Valentine
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